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Making men MEN again. The David Alliance will help you slay your giants.
Episodes
Friday Sep 23, 2022
Friday Sep 23, 2022
Wake the Faith up Slayer… This is Garth Heckman with the David Alliance and you can reach me at
Brought to you by wellbuiltbody.com Gym Apparel for men and women that rocks and shocks and ain’t for everybody - but just might be for you. wellbuiltbody.com
I love collecting old books on medicine, and special cures and on the human body. I read them and get somewhat surprised by 2 things…one - how completely off they are with some things… like the cure for a headache. Goose urine, whiskey and opium… don’t get me wrong, it will cure a headache… but the whiplash effect has got to be a wing dinger. But the second thing I am amazed at is many times even though the book it over a hundred years old they are right on with their insights about the human body.
I am currently reading apples physiology by Dr. Frank Overton. the book is 125 years old and yet much of what he writes is spot on.
In fact he wrote something in its bout alcohol. he shared about how it affected the face, the blood vessels and the ruddy appearance to those who abuse it. And in the chapter he writes that most sicknesses are first seen in the face. I know that to be true. When I had my first cancer a nurse in the gym spotted it by simply looking at my face. Then when I went to my gastrointestinal doctor he simply looked in my eyes and under my eyelids and said I have cancer.
It made me reflect on matthew 6
Matthew 6:22-23“The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!
Eye GK oth-thal-mos (we get our word optomologist)
it doesn’t just mean your physical eye, it actually accounts for your whole facial countenance. by looking in someones face you can tell if they are truly filled with joy!
But even better understood is it also means you reflect what you stare at. So if you are focusing on Jesus you reflect him and the joy he has set before you.
Reminds me of a story about 2 brothers who were prospectors back in the california gold rush back in the 1840’s and 50’s. the bought a small plot of land and started digging. for months they would dig, go into town every few weeks for a few more supplies and continue on. Well they finally hit a major vein of Gold. They were so excited they wanted to mine it and buy more land in that area. So they knew they had to keep it top secret. They decided to go into town, split up, act nonchalantly NOT SAY A WORD TO ANYONE and get their supplies and meet back at the edge of town and go back to camp. They did just that… but when they headed back to camp they noticed a few people following them, and by the time they go to camp there were now a few dozen people following them. The brothers both accused each other of talking… but when they finally asked one of the men following them he simply said “no one told us… we just seen it in your face”.
Aaahhh may that be our prayer today. That the lost world of today knows we have the answer because they seen in in our face.
Thursday Sep 22, 2022
Thursday Sep 22, 2022
Wake the Faith up Slayer… This is Garth Heckman with the David Alliance and you can reach me at
Brought to you by wellbuiltbody.com Gym Apparel for men and women that rocks and shocks and ain’t for everybody - but just might be for you. wellbuiltbody.com
It is shocking today - the evil acts of our generation who perform and believe such craziness and show no remorse whatsoever. It might even be more shocking that they themselves don’t see it.
The list of crazy is seemingly almost made up… but its out there.
Gender reidentification at the age of 5, 6 and 7
no longer he and she but it, they, them
Abortion on demand
Socialistic, demonic mindsets
Anti semitism is growing
One world order
One world economy
scientists boasting we will bend humanity and technology together and become Gods…
We ask, “How can they do such things?” But when the conscience is seared — burned out by constantly going against the Holy Spirits warnings— then we become like animals in our behavior. The Bible speaks of this in the following verses, “Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils; Speaking lies in hypocrisy; having their conscience seared with a hot iron” (1 Timothy 4:1-2).
This also happened in ancient times, according to Paul’s letter to the church at Rome (Romans 1). After a certain period of time, God will give someone with a seared or evil conscience “over to a reprobate mind.” That means the mind cannot be renewed, because the person has for so long chosen their own selfish ways (which really are Satan’s ways) over God’s that it is not possible for them to change. This should be a warning for all who persist in sin.
Heb. 3
12 See to it, brothers and sisters, that none of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God. 13 But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called “Today,” so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness. 14 We have come to share in Christ, if indeed we hold our original conviction firmly to the very end. 15 As has just been said:
“Today, if you hear his voice,
do not harden your hearts
as you did in the rebellion.”
- 18 And to whom did God swear that they would never enter his rest if not to those who disobeyed? 19 So we see that they were not able to enter, because of their unbelief
How to stay soft and intimate
Encourage one another, lift one another up, point out inconsistencies.
Obey the Holy Spirits nudging, his conviction, his direction,
pray for Gods rest and ask him to point out what is causing you unrest. what are you not acting on that might be causing a hard heart… ask him to crack it open.
Wednesday Sep 21, 2022
Wednesday Sep 21, 2022
Wake the Faith up Slayer… This is Garth Heckman with the David Alliance and you can reach me at
Brought to you by wellbuiltbody.com Gym Apparel for men and women that rocks and shocks and ain’t for everybody - but just might be for you. wellbuiltbody.com
Stop in the name of the Law… does that still work? Did it ever work? Seriously was there a time that you could just yell out “stop in the name of the law” and people were like - Darn it, I was just about to get away with it… but they yelled stop in the name of the law.
Ceremonial Law – this was a brand-new set of laws that God gave to Moses that were specifically for the nation of Israel as a theocracy. These laws dealt with the qualifications for priests, requirements for how and when to perform sacrifices, cleanliness laws, dietary laws, festival laws and tithing laws.
Ceremonial Law: This type of law related to Israel's worship. (Lev 1:1-13) The laws pointed forward to Jesus Christ and were no longer necessary after Jesus' death and resurrection. Though we are no longer bound to them, the principles behind the ceremonial laws, to worship and love God, still apply.
Civil(Judicial) Law – All nations must have civil laws to help deal with disputes between their citizens as well as to enforce the morals of the people. While not all of the Mosaic civil laws dealt with moral issues, a great deal of the Civil laws for Israel did in fact deal with how to punish or make restitution for violation of God’s moral laws. So, when we examine the Old Testament to search for the moral law of God – we must look for moral laws that stand alone as well as civil laws which prescribe punishment and restitution for breaking God’s moral laws.
Civil Law: This law dictated Israel's daily living (Deut 24:10-11); but modern society and culture are so radically different that some of these guidelines cannot be followed specifically. The principles behind the commands are to guide our conduct.
Moral Law – this is law which reflects God’s character and his design of this world. Examples of this law would include but are not limited to commands regarding murder, children honoring and obeying their parents, adultery, covetousness and theft. Moral Law: The moral laws are direct commands of God. A good example is the Ten Commandments (Ex 20:1-17).
The biblical view of scripture/law and primarily abortion or homosexuality. When people say that there are laws in the bible about don’t eating shell fish, don’t wear wool mix clothes, don’t wear pants, don’t wear your hair down… one must understand that there were 3 types of law given in scripture. Ceremonial, Civil and Moral. Ceremonial and civil were based on that time in history, context and history. But moral law is based on the character of God, it is unchanging. Jesus affirmed this by saying I came not to destroy the law, but to fulfill it. We could keep the ceremonial and civil, but we can’t keep the moral without the life giving spirit of Jesus.
The moral laws reveal the nature and will of God, and still apply to us today. We do not obey this moral law as a way to obtain salvation, but to live in ways pleasing to God.
Starting October 16th… in times of chaos it is good to have a strong understanding of the following.
Is There More to Life than This?
Who is Jesus?
Why Did Jesus Die?
How Can We I Have Faith?
Why and How Do I Pray?
Why and How Should I Read the Bible?
How Does God Guide Us?
Who is the Holy Spirit?
What Does the Holy Spirit Do?
How Can I Be Filled with the Holy Spirit?
How Can I Make the Most of the Rest of My Life?
How Can I Resist Evil?
Why and How Should I Tell Others?
Does God Heal Today?
What about the Church?
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Tuesday Sep 20, 2022
Tuesday Sep 20, 2022
Wake the Faith up Slayer… This is Garth Heckman with the David Alliance and you can reach me at
Brought to you by wellbuiltbody.com Gym Apparel for men and women that rocks and shocks and ain’t for everybody - but just might be for you. wellbuiltbody.com
Warren Buffett: Currently, at 90, he has a net worth of more than $81 billion. A large portion of that, however, was accumulated after his 50th birthday. And $70 billion came after he qualified for Social Security benefits, in his mid-60s… how does one gain over 70B after your 65 years of age…. it had little to do with being a wise investor and in fact you can do the same thing he did!
Matthew 25
14 “Again, the Kingdom of Heaven can be illustrated by the story of a man going on a long trip. He called together his servants and entrusted his money to them while he was gone. 15 He gave five bags of silver to one, two bags of silver to another, and one bag of silver to the last—dividing it in proportion to their abilities. He then left on his trip.
16 “The servant who received the five bags of silver began to invest the money and earned five more. 17 The servant with two bags of silver also went to work and earned two more. 18 But the servant who received the one bag of silver dug a hole in the ground and hid the master’s money.
19 “After a long time their master returned from his trip and called them to give an account of how they had used his money. 20 The servant to whom he had entrusted the five bags of silver came forward with five more and said, ‘Master, you gave me five bags of silver to invest, and I have earned five more.’
21 “The master was full of praise. ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!
22 “The servant who had received the two bags of silver came forward and said, ‘Master, you gave me two bags of silver to invest, and I have earned two more.’
23 “The master said, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together!’
24 “Then the servant with the one bag of silver came and said, ‘Master, I knew you were a harsh man, harvesting crops you didn’t plant and gathering crops you didn’t cultivate. 25 I was afraid I would lose your money, so I hid it in the earth. Look, here is your money back.’
26 “But the master replied, ‘You wicked and lazy servant! If you knew I harvested crops I didn’t plant and gathered crops I didn’t cultivate, 27 why didn’t you deposit my money in the bank? At least I could have gotten some interest on it.’
28 “Then he ordered, ‘Take the money from this servant, and give it to the one with the ten bags of silver. 29 To those who use well what they are given, even more will be given, and they will have an abundance. But from those who do nothing, even what little they have will be taken away. 30 Now throw this useless servant into outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’
Everyone is waiting for more… more… when is it my turn to have more. Why do you have more than me. I deserve more. I should have more. I would be a good person for more, I would do great things with more… When is someone, anyone going to give me more. Why does God not give me more?
Guess what? You are not responsible nor in control of what you have been given, but you are responsible for what you do with it! Matthew 25:25
The parable is a picture of Jesus going back up to heaven and his coming back is the rapture… and then we have to give account.
What is a measure of talent? it can be 16 years of wages, so in a sense it can mean time. it can be money and it can be actual gifting. We all have something to give to God, to be used for God… but if we hang on to it… you get the picture.
The wicked servant had the attitude that the master wasn’t fair. the others got more, he got little. The master is mean and uncaring. The master expects a lot… the master will be ok if I play it safe.
NO NO NO NO
The master does expect a lot when it comes to what we should do… but he leaves the reaping and reward up to him. We simply just use what he has given us for him. you might be an artist, a speaker, a car saleman, a chiropractor, a Doctor, a stay at home parent, a junior high pastor, a house wife, a cook… it does not matter. You may be an athlete, a gifted musician, a genius in math… it does not matter. you might have great health, poor health, you may need 4 hours of sleep you may need 12 hours of sleep… it doesn’t matter. Just use what you have, for God and he will multiply it.
AGAIN…
You are not responsible nor in control of what you have been given, but you are responsible for what you do with it!
Monday Sep 19, 2022
Monday Sep 19, 2022
Wake the Faith up Slayer… This is Garth Heckman with the David Alliance and you can reach me at
Brought to you by wellbuiltbody.com Gym Apparel for men and women that rocks and shocks and ain’t for everybody - but just might be for you. wellbuiltbody.com
WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO WORSHIP GOD? having a really good voice and singing? Playing an instrument? giving stuff to the needy? making a joyful noise? How about dancing? Or better yet, dancing with flags, in your church… and if you are a guy don’t look like a woman…
How do you worship God? Well I would never dance in church with a flag… I have been to churches that do that, and thats fine… it is distracting to me… but I do think if women can dance with flags in church then men should be able to dance with swords. Do a ninja dance swinging it around and flailing like they are killing things… I mean the bible is called the sword in Gods armor… just a thought.
How’d your uncle die? Uh, sword accident in church… long story, but lets just say if your hands get slippery from anointing people with oil… don’t dance with swords… at least no in church…
Romans 12:1 NLT
And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you.(it’s not enough to just give your heart or spirit or soul) Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.
If you want to know the secret of success its pretty simple. Watch most people and do the opposite.
When Paul writes to the church he is not just saying don’t copy the world… but don’t just copy the local Christian as well. How can I say that? Because he goes on to say “let God transform you by the way you think”. and so that you prove it by your actions… you test your new mind by becoming what God has called you to do through action.
Its not enough to just not follow the world, and its not enough to not just follow the behavior of other Christians, but rather allow God to renew your mind, and change your actions so that you become what he wants you to become.
See in the english we think there is a correlation between conformed and transformed… but there is absolutely none in the greek. In the greek conformed means you literally morph into whatever is most pressing in on you. Like sillypuddy, whatever you press into it, it becomes that shape. The world presses in on us and we become that shape.
Transformed is from the inside out. It is like a seed that planted in the ground, covered and packed down by mud and dirt, covered in gravel and beat on by rain… but guess what it does not conform to any of those elements. It grows from the inside out.
And how? Be the renewing of the mind. the word here in the greek is noose. It is neutral meaning if you put good things in, it will transform your actions to good things, if you put bad things in it will transform your actions to bad things, AND IF YOU PUT SPIRITUAL THINGS IN, IT WILL TRANSFORM YOUR ACTIONS INTO SPIRITUAL ACTIONS.
Paul Goes on to say… don’t compare yourself to others… even the good people.
Here is what he says exactly… Because of the privilege and authority God has given me, I give each of you this warning: Don’t think you are better than you really are. Be honest in your evaluation of yourselves, measuring yourselves by the faith God has given us. Just as our bodies have many parts and each part has a special function, so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.
What’s he saying… don’t judge your actions by comparing yourself to others. Rather you have a special place, gift, work, job description - honestly judge yourself by asking “am I doing what God has called me to do?”… because if not, I am not really worshiping God to my best.
AGAIN… don’t be like the world or even the super Christian - rather be who God created you to be
Friday Sep 16, 2022
Friday Sep 16, 2022
Wake the Faith up Slayer… This is Garth Heckman with the David Alliance and you can reach me at
Brought to you by wellbuiltbody.com Gym Apparel for men and women that rocks and shocks and ain’t for everybody - but just might be for you. wellbuiltbody.com
I don’t think any of us like a backseat driver… I sure don’t. In fact I broke my wife of this habit after just a few escapades… she would begin to tell me where to go and how to get there… I would simply follow directions until we were completely lost. She would say “uh, honey where are we?” I would tell her I have no clue… and in fact I one time said “I think we are headed to Iowa”. She couldn’t yell at me, because she realized I just followed her directions.
It seems like in todays world everyone wants to be a backseat driver to my life… I am sure you feel it to. Everyone wants to tell you what is right, wrong or unfair in your life and in their life AND what to do about it.
Matthew 21 HAS 4 LIFE LESSONS THAT ARE EXTREMELY IMPORTANT FOR TODAY
20 “For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire workers for his vineyard. 2 He agreed to pay them a denarius[a] for the day and sent them into his vineyard.
3 “About nine in the morning he went out and saw others standing in the marketplace doing nothing. 4 He told them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard, and I will pay you whatever is right.’ 5 So they went.
“He went out again about noon and about three in the afternoon and did the same thing. 6 About five in the afternoon he went out and found still others standing around. He asked them, ‘Why have you been standing here all day long doing nothing?’
7 “‘Because no one has hired us,’ they answered.
“He said to them, ‘You also go and work in my vineyard.’
8 “When evening came, the owner of the vineyard said to his foreman, ‘Call the workers and pay them their wages, beginning with the last ones hired and going on to the first.’
9 “The workers who were hired about five in the afternoon came and each received a denarius. 10 So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. 11 When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. 12 ‘These who were hired last worked only one hour,’ they said, ‘and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.’
13 “But he answered one of them, ‘I am not being unfair to you, friend. Didn’t you agree to work for a denarius? 14 Take your pay and go. I want to give the one who was hired last the same as I gave you. 15 Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?’
16 “So the last will be first, and the first will be last.”
Real life lessons from Mathew 20
1 For most entrepreneurs, business people, People with dreams and goals… timing is 90% of your success.
*These last minute workers had timing on their side.
*So be ready at all times.
*Work hard at all times.
*Learn from your failures at all times.
*Don’t give up trying even when timing does not work out right.
*Ultimately if you are doing all these things you can trust God for his timing.
2 Your energy is a great predictor of your gifting and direction for work.
10 So when those came who were hired first, they expected to receive more. But each one of them also received a denarius. 11 When they received it, they began to grumble against the landowner. 12 ‘These who were hired last worked only one hour,’ they said, ‘and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the work and the heat of the day.’
3 Consistency is the best indicator of truth.
Science loses, your upbringing loses, what you have been told loses, the media loses… what wins the argument of what is true? Consistency.
What do you see in reality again and again…
Here is an example: Money does not buy you happiness, nor does fame, nor does good looks, or talents… we have literally thousands of examples of these types of people who are miserable, suicidal, or have taken their lives.
4 This last one is going to spank the entitled little turd blossoms out there who keep yelling unfair unfair unfair…
Don’t let your unhappiness, your lack of work ethic, the media, your professor or your seemingly bad luck trick you into thinking you can tell others how to spend their money.
Should we as Followers of Christ share and be generous… yes, but what we do with our money is still our choice according to God. We will let God direct us and even allow the reaping and sowing process to take its course for those who are stingy… but it’s still not your call.
And for the record, I have found time and time again those who complain about “fairness” don’t themselves tithe, give or sacrifice… so it is the epitome of hubris.
The point of generosity is you give to those in need regardless of wether or not you yourself are in need… and in fact that may be the ultimate test of your theory that people should be generous and fair… that you practice it yourself while in need.
Your past knows where you are, it will come and get you at some time. Dan Little
Thursday Sep 15, 2022
Thursday Sep 15, 2022
Wake the Faith up Slayer… This is Garth Heckman with the David Alliance and you can reach me at
Brought to you by wellbuiltbody.com Gym Apparel for men and women that rocks and shocks and ain’t for everybody - but just might be for you. wellbuiltbody.com
Physical effects of anger
Anger starts in the mind triggers the body’s ‘fight or flight’ response. Other emotions that trigger this response include fear, excitement and anxiety. The adrenal glands flood the body with stress hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol.The brain shunts blood away from the gut and towards the muscles, in preparation for physical exertion. Heart rate, blood pressure and respiration increase, the body temperature rises and the skin perspires. The mind is sharpened and focused.
Health problems with anger
The constant flood of stress chemicals and associated metabolic changes that go with ongoing unmanaged anger can eventually cause harm to many different systems of the body.
Some of the short and long-term health problems that have been linked to unmanaged anger include:
- headache
- digestion problems, such as abdominal pain
- insomnia
- increased anxiety
- depression
- high blood pressure
- skin problems, such as eczema
- heart attack
- stroke.
But where did it start? In the brain… actually what you fed the brain…
Lets look at spiked insulin and diabetes and other health risks… but lets look it from a diet soda perspective. When you drink a sugary drink it hits your digestive system and wham your brain spikes your insulin levels and a whole host of side affects physically….
But your brain is smart… no pun intended. Once your brain is trained, your body will dump insulin simply at the taste of a sweet taste… before it ever hits your stomach and is digested - ON TOP OF THAT…. now your brain will dump insulin when you taste sweet low cal or no cal ingredients. So you can drink a diet pop and your brain taste sweetness… and with no sugar or calories at all spike your blood sugar.
What am I talking about today… simply the power of your brain! What you need to understand is
Proverbs 23:7
For as he thinks within himself, so he is.
He says to you, “Eat and drink!”
But his heart is not with you.
Wether your brain is triggered by an emotion like anger, pride or fear… or it can be triggered by your taste buds… the point is that your internal operating system “your brain” is the key to how successfully you live your life physically and spiritually.
So next time you pick up your bible don’t simply look at it as a spiritual manual, but rather as a program for your mind which will impact your entire life.
Wednesday Sep 14, 2022
Wednesday Sep 14, 2022
Wake the Faith up Slayer… This is Garth Heckman with the David Alliance and you can reach me at
Brought to you by wellbuiltbody.com Gym Apparel for men and women that rocks and shocks and ain’t for everybody - but just might be for you. wellbuiltbody.com
A website that is nothing but top ten lists of just about everything. The top 10 car insurance companies, Pepper spray, suntan lotions, NBA players, Milk shakes, Cartoons, love songs, horror movies, the top 10 people born in the 1860’s and who died in the 1920’s… Today we cover our own top ten list but with a twist… Hey i wonder if they have the top ten donuts?
10 Marriage Mistakes That Can Lead to Divorce
1. Having unrealistic expectations. most Christians have unrealistic expectations… what I mean by that is they just want to be a good person… Jesus calls us to do more that what he did.
Many marriages fail because of unrealistic expectations people put on themselves, their partner, and their marriage. Marriage is a serious (and hopefully lifelong) commitment that will have good and bad days, ups and downs, romance and frustration, and obstacles you could not have foreseen from the outset. Because of all these things, expecting your marriage to be in perfect harmony at all times is completely unrealistic! Similarly, expecting yourself and your partner to be perfect at all times is equally unrealistic. People are human, and we must accept mistakes as they come, learn from them, and move on. Another common problem in many marriages is when someone expects their partner to solve all of their problems. You cannot expect your partner to be your therapist. It isn’t fair to them, and frankly, they probably don’t have the proper training to help you deal with your demons. Expecting too much of your partner emotionally will totally drain them, and add stress to their lives. They are there to support you through tough times, not to assume your burden. In order to avoid setting unrealistic expectations, try to focus on acceptance in all its forms. Acceptance of change, frustration, fights, but most importantly, acceptance of your partner, yourself and your union, and all the flaws and strengths that go with it.
2. Poor communication
Communication is KEY. I know that we all know this, but I don’t think many people realize how detrimental poor communication can be to your marriage. A lack of good communication can transform small, resolvable problems into completely insurmountable issues - and in some cases, ‘irreconcilable differences’. Misunderstandings can cause you or your partner to feel unheard and unimportant, which can breed resentment. Good communication is the foundation of any strong relationship, so the lack of it is well... let’s just say NOT good. Not good at all. The thing is, good communication habits can be really difficult to build, and bad communication habits are even harder to break. But your relationship deserves honesty, vulnerability and trust. It requires you and your partner to articulate what is on your mind (out loud, and directly!), so that you can support each other and your emotional needs. Good communication also means talking about the things that aren’t so easy to talk about. You have to be willing to fight, and fight often (but only when necessary, of course), so that problems get resolved and solutions are reached.
Communication is a skill that takes time, patience and practice. Our relationship coaches are here to help, try our award-winning relationship app free for 7-days.
3. Lack of respect. Read Gods word and do it.
Marriage is a partnership of equals. Accepting this fact means that you have you to respect your partner’s actions, choices, opinions and criticism. If there is a lack of respect in your marriage, whether one person lacks respect for the other, or there is a mutual lack of respect, your marriage is likely to fail. A lack of respect can take on many different forms, whether it’s extreme judgement, unnecessary criticism, a superiority complex, a lack of personal accountability, or simply ignoring your spouse. Though it can take on many forms, at the end of the day, these things all point to the same thing; a lack of both trust and equality in your relationship. No one wants to feel like they aren’t respected by their partner. And most people don’t do things to intentionally lose the respect of their partner, either. If you feel like there is a lack of respect in your marriage, you should talk openly about it. Is there a lack of respect because of how a specific incident was handled? Does someone believe they have better judgement? Try to pinpoint the root of the problem, then move forward together to re-establish respect in the relationship by trusting your partner to do the right thing. The golden rule always applies in these situations: treat your partner the way you want to be treated. Show them respect, and if you feel the need to challenge something they’re doing, do so in a gracious and understanding way. Supporting your partner by showing them respect will make them feel valued and engaged in the marriage.
4. Not giving each other space (have your own relationship with Jesus, not someone else’s … i.e. your parents, pastors, friends, hero’s….
No matter how much you like each other, you cannot spend every second of every day together. Too much togetherness can cause you to feel suffocated by your relationship. It can cause you to stay in a total standstill, devoid of growth and exploration. It is important to recognize that marriage is a union between two individuals. Don’t lose your sense of self for the sake of the relationship. Although many believe a true union is the total partnership of two people, it is actually a theory that may end up weakening your marriage in the long run. Taking space away from your spouse will allow you to check in on yourself, and do things that encourage personal growth. Creating these spaces for you and your partner acknowledges a mutual trust that you have for each other, which is an important way to ensure your marriage lasts. Plus, taking space away from each other means that you get to look forward to being together again. Afterall, absence, even for only a few hours, makes the heart grow fonder.
5. Being too independent
While it is important to give your partner space, and encourage personal growth and independence, it is important that you don’t become TOO independent. Becoming too independent can cause your partner to feel marginalized from your life. You want your partner to feel helpful and needed. If you are too independent you risk them feeling undervalued, or even worse, completely left behind. Admittedly, there can sometimes be a fine line between just independent enough, and too independent. In order to walk this line well, It can help to think of you and your partner as a team. Teams work together to make decisions, they support each other, and they grow together. Teams allow and encourage individual growth, but prioritize mutual growth and goals. Cultivating a team mindset will create a stronger, long-term marriage.
6. Decrease in physical intimacy (lack of time in church)
After the initial honeymoon phase of a marriage, your relationship is likely to experience periods characterized by a lack of physical intimacy. It’s important to understand that these dry spells are completely natural, and often related to outside factors such as stress, work, family problems and things of that nature. BUT, if you notice that the dry spell is lasting a little toooooooo long, this can be cause for concern. Physical intimacy is a very important part of marriage, and when it goes away for a long time, it can be very hard to get back. Even if you’ve been married for a significant amount of time, you can become unacquainted and even awkward with each other if you get really out of the groove. You should also acknowledge that the ways in which you are intimate are likely to change over the course of your marriage. Our bodies change as we age, which means that the physical and sexual intimacy will change as well. Make sure that you and your partner are staying in tune with your own bodies - needs, changes, and all - this will help you tune in to each other’s more successfully. Scheduling intimate time together can be a great way to increase the intimacy in your relationship. If you’re not having sex with your partner becuase you are no longer attracted to them, that hints to a problem larger than intimacy issues. Try and figure out what is causing the lack of attraction, Are you fighting often? Are you too stressed out to even think about sex? Is your marriage experiencing a decrease in emotional intimacy? Focus on fixing that first, the intimacy will be sure to follow once you’re off the rocks.
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7. Dishonesty
Honesty is the baseline for trust, and both trust and honesty play a huge role in gaining the respect of another person, especially YOUR person. Even minimal amounts of dishonesty in a marriage can be detrimental, because it normalizes half-truths and white lies. When these things are normalized, lying becomes more and more common, until OOPS!, a big lie slips out and you’re too far down a slippery, slippery slope. Addressing dishonestly in a relationship, first and foremost means being honest with yourself. Why do you feel the need to lie? Are you trying to cover up a mistake you made? Do you want to exaggerate something so you seem more impressive? Be aware of what is motivating you to be dishonest, and challenge your partner to do the same. Additionally, it can be important to evaluate your personal relationship with the truth. Do you think that omitting something is the same as a lie? Does your partner feel the same way? Would you be hurt if your partner lied by omission? Understanding your relationship with honesty, communicating that to your partner and creating an open dialogue about what dishonesty means will ensure that you and your partner are on the same page. If you end up in a situation where you are dealing with dishonesty in your marriage, the only way to hold onto your relationship is by working to rebuild trust, which means open and honest communication moving forward.
8. Refusing to address bad habits
Whether it’s biting your nails, talking over people, or leaving your dirty socks around the house, it’s important to understand that we all have bad habits. At the same time, it’s also important to recognize that habits are breakable. And these habits should not get in the way of a happy marriage. As an individual you should consistently be trying to learn and improve yourself, so that you can be the best version of yourself for you, your partner, and your marriage. If you refuse to address your bad habits, or refuse to take care of your physical and emotional health, your marriage will pay the price. The hardest thing about bad habits though, is that sometimes we don’t even realize we have them. If your partner critiques a certain behavior of yours, it’s important to try and understand their point of view, rather than becoming defensive. You must trust that your partner wants the best for you and the marriage and try to embrace new, healthy habits.
9. Taking your marriage for granted
We often associate marriage with comfort, which, don’t get me wrong, isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Afterall, it’s special to be able to relax into a day to day routine with the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. BUT, it’s important that this level of comfort doesn't lead to laziness, or neglect. Getting too comfortable can lead to overlooking your partner and your relationship. To avoid this marriage mistake, be more intentional and mindful! Pay attention to your spouse, ask them about their day, do nice things for them like you did when you were courting each other. Don’t assume they’re going to stay around forever, unless you put in the necessary work to maintain your relationship.
10. Losing sight of where you started
We change. Our relationships change. Our lives change. There’s pretty much no way to stop any of this change from happening. And most successful marriages actually embrace all of the change that life throws at them. But while you change and grow, it’s critical to remember what your marriage was like when it started. Not all of life’s changes are planned for, some changes can actually totally derail your plans, and not always for the best... If you don’t like where you currently stand (in regards to finances, or location, or social life), don’t just settle for the current situation. You and your partner entered into a marriage with a shared vision for your lives and for the future, and even after all that life has thrown at you, you probably still share the same (or at least a pretty similar) vision. If you lose sight of what you wanted at the beginning of your marriage, it will be hard to recover from huge changes or blows to your life plans, which as we just discussed, are inevitable! But if you remember where you started, and that you started there with your partner, you are much more likely to recover when life knocks you down.
Tuesday Sep 13, 2022
Tuesday Sep 13, 2022
Wake the Faith up Slayer… This is Garth Heckman with the David Alliance and you can reach me at
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Sitting as a kid reading up on black bears in order to do a book report. I sat there thinking, I love learning (what I am interested in) I love writing, I love speaking, I love making people laugh and think and teaching new things… to bad there’s not a job like that….
I remember sitting in the little east high school theatre taking the SAT or ACT test. And I knew this didn’t matter in my life. I knew my score would suck, but I also knew it would not matter. I am not saying- don’t study. I am just saying if you know your strengths and you are being tested on your weaknesses, don’t worry about it. Put all your effort into your strengths.
I knew so young that my gifts were not based on math scores or english or even my ability to memorize algorithms or write code…
In fact I hate english but it didn’t stop me from writing 13 books, I have a hard time memorizing but it didn’t stop me from writing and recording songs or playing guitar and playing drums…
I never tried to focus on my weaknesses…
Back to my story about being in 5th grade and thinking wow, wouldn’t it be great to have a job where you read, study, write and then speak… and uh yes that is a lot of what I do now as a pastor….
My son is a genius. Almost a perfect ACT SAT score.
My younger son is more of the street smart type. If your going to go to war my oldest will draw up the strategy, my youngest will lead the war. but what is most important to me is that they both know their gifts, talents, abilities and strengths.
So important to know your gifts, talents and abilities.
Gift- great voice, you had nothing to do with it
Talents - your genetics combined with your hard work
Abilities- typically sheer work
Strengths are a combination of all 3 used in the right place with the right people at the right time.
One of my gifts is I can encourage and fill others up. Much of my gift or at least it’s impact is due to how much I have spent with the gift giver.
One of the reasons Jesus came is so that the soul could feel it’s worth. And once you feel your worth you no longer run after money or fame or popularity… you no longer run after what you think will give you worth… you just simply rest in his worth being you.
Take time today to write down what your Gifts, talents, abilities are how they can be your strengths… it will leave you with the road map to begin to feel what God feels for you.
Monday Sep 12, 2022