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Making men MEN again. The David Alliance will help you slay your giants.
Episodes
Monday Dec 21, 2020
Monday Dec 21, 2020
webstix.com Tony Herman - the coolest cat on the net
Many forms of evidence suggest that ‘bad’ is stronger than ‘good’ as a general principle, across a wide range of psychological phenomena.
Men rarely change unless there is trauma… now don’t mistake todays bad for trauma. Bad is… you have high blood pressure and heart disease. Trauma is you have 6 months to live. Bad is… your wife is thinking of leaving you unless you get counseling… trauma is coming home to an empty house and she left a note “I found someone else”.
so a researcher named Dr. Richard Boyatzi started doing some research about 8 years ago and here is what he found out.
Does the threat of illness motivate us to change behaviour?
In 2012, researchers posed this question based on longitudinal data from 17,276 individuals. The primary focus was to investigate how patients behaved, before and after a serious diagnosis.
After analysing the 12 years of data covered by the study, the researchers concluded that people rarely made positive changes in lifestyle behaviours, even after they had been diagnosed with a chronic condition.
This is despite strong evidence to suggest that adopting a healthier lifestyle can extend longevity, reduce the likelihood of the condition recurring and enhance quality of life. Bad news does not appear to be an effective motivator for change, but still we persist in using a negativity bias to try to influence behaviour. Are there any other options?
A solution to negativity bias?
Dr Richard Boyatzis is an expert in the field of emotional intelligence and behaviour change. In 2013, Boyatzis and his fellow researcher, Dr Anthony Jack, collaborated on a study to assess contrasting coaching and mentoring approaches.
The researchers divided a cohort of volunteers into two groups. Each volunteer was interviewed for 30 minutes on themes relating to ‘life coaching’ and performance, but the coaches who conducted the interviews used two contrasting techniques.
Group one:
Coaches asked questions that focussed on the problems and challenges the volunteers were facing. The coaches emphasised problem-solving techniques to try to identify solutions. This approach tended to bring up issues associated with other people’s expectations, weaknesses, obligations, and fears.
Group two:
Coaches asked questions designed to encourage the volunteers to imagine a positive future, such as how they would like their lives to look in 10 years’ time. The questions drew out the volunteer’s vision in more detail.
Dr Boyatzis describes the coaching approach in group two, which emphasised vision, hopes and dreams, as “coaching and mentoring to the Positive Emotional Attractor (PEA).” This contrasts with coaching in group one where the approach is characterised as coaching to the “Negative Emotional Attractor (NEA).”After a period of five to seven days, both groups of volunteers were asked to return and answer a series of follow-up questions by the same coach, using the same approach as in the first interview.
During this second round of questioning, the students' brains were scanned using fMRI, a brain imaging technique which detects changes associated with blood flow, to measure brain activity. The results demonstrated that the two contrasting interview approaches activated different and distinct regions in the brain.
When we reduce our perception of threat, our mind may consider that it’s safe to take more time over decisions and think more deeply. We become more cognitively flexible, able to simulate multiple future possibilities and consider new ideas, as well as taking into account how other people think and feel.
These patterns of activity are vital for motivation, sustaining positive feelings and keeping going when we experience challenges – characteristics that are crucial if we are trying to change our behaviour and work towards a goal.
Dr. Richard Boyatzi “you need a negative outlook to survive but a positive one to thrive”.
Matthew 10:16 "I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.
The bible is filled with scripture, theology and stories of faith. What is faith? It is simply expecting i.e thinking the best in any situation.
Friday Dec 18, 2020
Friday Dec 18, 2020
6. Unclear objectives
Be SMART about what you want.
You have heard of smart goals… if not google it. I don’t have time. (Im trying to save time here bro)
I look at my calendar every night to plan my day. I look at my calendar every Sunday night to plan for my week and I look at my calendar the 1st of every month to plan for the next 30 days… it is a huge game changer. Because it automatically sets time goals in my head for that specified slice of my life.
My money and my time are most important to me and to God. So I first tithe then I manage the rest of my money. If I do it the other way around I will never have enough money to tithe. Same with time, I give my time first to God (read and pray every day) then I plan the rest of my day, week and month around that… it never fails I always come out ahead.
I plan my objectives for the day the night before, for the week the Sunday before and for the month, the the 1st of every month before.
7. Lack of boundaries
Learn to say NO, or if still difficult, try YES, AND.
I love saying yes. I love helping people, I love ignoring my family for other peoples needs and much to the derailment of my own goals and life.
I now love saying no. No I can’t buy everyone a gift for Christmas that I love. No I can’t go to every wedding NOR can I do every wedding. No I can’t help you on your project. No you can’t call me to talk to me about your sermon etc…
Saying no saves so much time. No… see there I just added 45 minutes to my calendar.
What makes boundaries work? Pick your top 3 most important people, gifts and goals and build NO’s around them.
8. Low hygiene
Eat regularly, drink plenty of water, exercise.
Wow, today before my work out I took 2 pre- workouts and a BANG. yes I crashed like the Hindenburg. Not the best idea for keeping me on my toes the rest of the day. But you must look at food as the oil in your engine, look at water as gas and exercise as the tune up. If you miss any of these you will suck in the long run.
If you have the energy you can do 10 things in 5 hours or you can do 5 things in 10 hours… its all in how much energy you have.
9. Lack of planning
Failing to plan is planning to fail.
So when I wrote my thesis for my masters my prof gave me this advice. He said you have 6 months. Take 3 months for research, 2 months for outlining your paper and 1 month to write it. This seemed crazy to me… but boy did it work. This is the same formula I have used to write all 12 of my books… it made it so easy.
Planning is underrated by about 95%.
20% of time spent on planning cuts your work by about 2/3rds. Its just that simple.
Have you ever tried to put something together without looking at the directions and then after wasting an hour look at them and whip together in about 15 minutes… life is not a project you can do that with. Plan your life out… every area, and stick to the plan.
10. Vision without action is a daydream, Action without vision is a nightmare.
Japanese proverb: whatever you think or say, make it happen.
Remember the test a few weeks ago? 7 birds are sitting on a wire, and 4 decide to fly away how many are left on the wire? 7! Because a decision without action is just fantasy.
Plan to take action in 3 new areas a day. it will revolutionize your life. If for nothing else than for simply practicing the discipline of doing.
Finally… in the words of Jim Rohn, if you want to be successful, truly stand out above the crowd and succeed in life: Then simply look at people, study them, reflect on them and see what they are really about… and then do just the opposite.
Thursday Dec 17, 2020
Thursday Dec 17, 2020
webstix.com Tony Herman - the coolest cat on the net
Col. 3:23 Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,
GK = heart = Your whole being. All of you. Your mind, emotions, spirit.
The root word is breath… meaning everything that involves you living is to be focused on what you do.
TOP TEN TIME WASTERS
We are all given the same amount of time, in an hour, in a day, in a year. What makes some people more successful than others personally or professionally is their personal effectiveness at working with time. Therefore, it is not about time management, but about personal management. which is why these 10 time wasters will sound a little different than what you are used to… make sure you check out all the notes in this podcast… its worth it.
30 minutes a day… broken up into three 10 minute sessions equals one full week of extra practice on my guitar.
1. Mind wanders
What is really going on? Go deep down.
Why is social media such a crutch…
Approval? Curiosity? Boredom? Habit?
Find out why and crush that excuse.
2. Fear of failure
Failure is only a new opportunity to learn. Do it anyway.
We chew up a lot of time waiting and wondering if we should try something. Just do it. Failure is a sure fire way to save time. Mental energy spent of the “what if’s” can steal a life from you.
3. Fear of success
Create the support system that will keep both of your feet on the ground.
Believe it or not there is a thing as self sabotage. You don’t deserve success… so you start something and you sabotage it. It is a huge waste of time. Why? Typically it has to do with how you were raised and the words spoken over you. You are worthy, you are a masterpiece and you are set up for success as God is your father. He did not make you for failure, but rather for high output and achievement.
4. Fear of embarrassment
Detach yourself. What you resist persists.
Again its just another mental gymnastic we play in our heads. You know the problem with running on a treadmill??? You are going nowhere! Yes you may keep yourself from being embarrassed by trying new things and stretching out… but but then that is the problem…. you keep yourself from new things.
Its like chewing gum for the mind… lots of action but with not nutritional value.
5. Unclear communication
Never assume, say things out loud.
Call 911 isn’t good enough. You have to look at someone and say “you in the blue sweater with green shorts, call 911”.
Do not assume people know what you are saying, and even if they hear you do not assume they understand you.
How much time is wasted on repeating stuff.
how much time is wasted on repeating stuff.
How much time is wasted on repeating stuff?
How much time is wasted on repeating stuff?
Wednesday Dec 16, 2020
Wednesday Dec 16, 2020
webstix.com Tony Herman - the coolest cat on the net
The difference was just 6 inches. Everything changed, everything. your whole life changed all because of 6 inches… no not on a field, or a car sliding into you nor was it 6 inches from meeting the person who could change your life… Im talking about the 6 inches between your ears… That space changes everything.
We are all looking for wealth, insight, wisdom, secrets to success… the ingredients for the perfect life. Truth is, we have them inside us, we just have to be willing to mind them (no, not mine them as in dig them up) but rather mind them.
Your life is the way it is simply because of the space between your ears and what you fill your mind with and what you tell yourself. If you can conquer that you win. Your attitude and outlook change drastically and you begin the ride of a lifetime.
What does scripture say about words… well plenty. But lets focus on just two thoughts. Jesus is the word. Let that sink in.
Jesus isn’t the emotions, the mindset, the idea, the hope, the goal etc… he is the word. How amazing that God wants his son, the son of God, the messiah, the king of kings seen as the word. Called the word. This shows quite a bit of Gods heart as to the power of words and the part it plays in our lives.
Secondly we see in the very beginning that God created all things by the power of his words. He spoke and the worlds were formed. He spoke and the lion roared. He spoke and the volcanoes erupted. he spoke and the plants burst into life.
I know what you are thinking… yeah yeah yeah… this is the old say a bunch of positive crap and it magically makes everything better.
Well when you put it like that… it sounds pretty crass and old news.
But if I said Faith comes by hearing and hearing the word of God… well lets take a closer look at that. no matter what endeavor you find yourself in there has to be a foundation, ground rules if you will. Those start with what you are willing to tell yourself and what you are willing to believe.
Faith is simply speaking Gods word into your life. Simple, profound, life changing and oh yea… not always that easy to do. But again it is like trying to start an engine that runs on gas to refine crude oil into gas. You gotta take the chance of just going for it with the little bit of gas you have left in your life.
Look can I just be brutally honest with those of you listening. You want to know the missing ingredient in most mens lives…. ok, the spiritual ingredient that makes everything else just sweet and rewarding? It is putting the hard work and time into your mind. Prayer changes your mind, scripture changes your mind, meditation changes your mind… and it takes time. How many men have sat in my office and they complain about their lives, marriages, work, health, habits… name it. And they put in zero time into the mind. Or worse yet they put in 30 minutes a day and after 15 years wonder why life still sucks… Because sometimes it takes more than 30 minutes a day… it takes an hour, 2 hours or more. Do you want the word to rock your world? Then control the space between your ears.
Tuesday Dec 15, 2020
Tuesday Dec 15, 2020
webstix.com Tony Herman - the coolest cat on the net
Old medical books and home cures.
Psalm 14:1 The fool says in his heart there is no God.
This isn’t speaking of atheism. it is speaking of how men live their lives as if They think they know what is best… and it may seem best at first.
What hobbies do you have?
What habits do you have?
What mindsets do you have?
OK…now let me ask you this?
What Hobbies have you?
What habits have you?
What mindsets have you?
The fool is stating a few things here:
My way is best,
I serve me
I am most important
I will not reap what I am sowing.
Look the list of examples I can give you regarding the poor choices made by men who now are enslaved to them…
Here is the extreme. I met a man in our monday night food pantry. We talked months before someone told me he at one time was a brilliant doctor. I didn’t believe it. So one day I asked him about it… sure enough he had been. My curiosity grew beyond my awkwardness and fear and I asked him how one goes from being a brilliant doctor to a bum on the street. He simply said alcohol. He lost his practice, his marriage, his money and his family one piece at a time due to drinking.
But what about that little seed in your head where you fantasize about a different wife? Or you once and a while click on that image or check out those racy social media pictures. Or you work a little longer for a little more money. You miss a few of your kids important events for work or your own hobbies. You neglect church for sports or hunting….
These are the things that have an immediate pay off… they feel good, they reward you, they stimulate your appetite to do it again.
This is the way of the fool.
Yeah, I guess looking at it rationally cocaine, laudlumn and whiskey does take away the headache…
But looking through it with the eyes of God… you are a fool to choose that path.
So yea… I guess ignoring the wife and the issues we have in order to do other things does work for a while… But looking through it with the eyes of God says other wise.
here is the great thing. When we acknowledge God we can at that point give him permission to storm our lives and help us in our times of trouble. HE WANTS TO GET INVOLVED IN YOUR LIFE, HE IS WAITING TO GET INVOLVED IN YOUR LIFE.
If the fool says there is no God… Then the person who acknowledges God must be a genius. Lets act a little smarter today shall we?
Monday Dec 14, 2020
Monday Dec 14, 2020
webstix.com Tony Herman - the coolest cat on the net
A THOUGHT:
*You cannot get any closer to God than your concept of him will allow. How you see him directly affects how close you will become with him.
How do you see your dad? As someone who wanted to know you, talk to you, love you, there for you?
Which begs the question: How did your parents see God?
Kim early in our marriage - we were driving in the car and I said well God is our father, he is our Daddy…
SHE SNAPPED BACK… I don’t want God as my father.
How you see your father affects how you see God the father!
The Faith of our fathers: Book- documents that all famous atheists hate their fathers. They don’t want God to exist because they don’t want their fathers to exist.
How you see YOUR FATHER WILL affect how you see God AND IN TURN - will affect how you see others…
HAVE YOU EVER MET SOMEONE AND THOUGHT WHY ARE THEY THAT WAY???
*And then you meet their father?
When the Disciples ask Jesus to teach them to pray the most outrageous thing he teaches them is that God is Daddy. Our Father who art in heaven… Daddy who is in heaven…
Do you God as Daddy. I believe that is where the biggest breakdown for most of us is at- what issues do you have with God? You probably don’t see him as Daddy. What theology hang ups do you have? Look at them through the eyes of God your Daddy. Does God want to become incredibly close to you? Yes, your Daddy loves to spend with with his kids.
Friday Dec 11, 2020
Friday Dec 11, 2020
webstix.com Tony Herman - the coolest cat on the net
You never know.
ABe lincoln twice grabbed someone by the neck and threw them off of their feet.
Young umarried woman with a child, living in poverty and without a job… barely keeping her son fed. Through a blood test was found out to be the last living survivor of an american indian tribe. When she began to talk about this, word got out. Other indian chiefs who had casinos and approached her saying she could open a casino… they would foot the bill for a piece of the pie… within days she had money beyond her wildest dreams.
Mom and Dad had 6 kids, only one survived. Both parents had STD’s and she was pregnant again… should they have the baby? If you abort this child you just aborted Mozart.
John a mild mannered man in his late 40’s and attending a small bible college. He was always so kind, gentle and generous. He seemingly would be an easy target living in Chicago to hold up or take advantage of. John Barr had multiple black belts in numerous martial arts, was world renowned and had fought the likes of Bruce Lee, Stephen Segal and more… if you were to cross him to try to take advantage of him you probably would never walk away from that scenario… and quite literally never walk again.
A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion
I was sitting with a close group of friends yesterday. We are all pastors and are all solid in our faith… and yet in this pandemic we all have certain struggles that we are dealing with. And as we talked openly about it, I realized these are men who I KNOW have strong devotional times and strong prayer lives and if we are dealing with stress- how much more are others who do not have the same spiritual depth.
You never know what others are about, dealing with or stressed out about. You don’t know someones history or how close to the breaking point they may be.
This weekend lets remember that we don’t know. And in turn lets treat everyone with some patience, some dignity and some love.
A friend of mine tells a story (before he was a Christian) of being in traffic and having guy cut him off in traffic and almost cause him an accident. He was so furious that he started to follow the guy… now the guy seemed to driving even more erratic… my friend was sure the guy was scared and trying to outrun him. Finally the guy swerves into a parking lot up to the front doors… my buddy was so mad and so bent on revenge he didn’t even realize he was in front of the doors to the emergency room… he jumped out to confront this man as the man started to cry out “please help me, my father is having a heart attack”. My friends heart immediately broke… he was disgusted at himself… he loved his Dad and could only imagine what this man was going through. He stumbled back into his car and realized … I don’t know everything.
Thursday Dec 10, 2020
Thursday Dec 10, 2020
webstix.com Tony Herman - the coolest cat on the net
He’s the last person on earth….
I would talk to
Invite
ask for advice
Take money from
Give a compliment to
Work for
Make hundreds of millions of dollars with… really?
You may be surprised at where you will find allies. When Apple was struggling in August 1997, there were few people who would help Steve Jobs.What had once seemed unthinkable-going to an enemy-became possible because he was willing to get past his ego. He bit the bullet and approached none other than his archnemesis, Bill Gates. All he did was ask for a minor favor: an investment by
Microsoft of $150 million. As reported by Stephen Silver at AppleInsider, according to Jobs,＂there were too many people at Apple and in the Apple ecosystem playing the game of, for Apple to win, Microsoft has to lose. And it was clear that you didn't have to play that game because Apple wasn't going to beat Microsoft. Apple didn't have to beat Microsoft. Apple had to remember who Apple was because they'd forgotten who Apple was."
In truth, it wasn't really a “favor. "Microsoft invested $150 million in Apple stock, and the companies agreed to settle their existing legal disputes, saving both firms time and money. In addition, Apple agreed to make Microsoft Office compatible with the Mac. In short, rivals became partners.
Imagine what would have happened if Jobs hadn't built that alliance. We're not exactly talking about a guy with a small ego. Yet when it mattered most, he didn't get stubborn and insist that he could do everything himself. Today we can use iPhones and other Apple devices because a paranoid guy with a big ego was man enough and smart enough to build the right alliance.
Matthew 18:20 “When two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them.”
This verse is not a warm fuzzy verse stating when we get together to pray God shows up in an electric goosebumpy feel good way. No, in fact it is talking about when people disagree - if you are willing to get together you can expect God to be there and help out. Do you think maybe you are missing out on some of Gods greatest moves in your life because you shy away from those you don’t get along with? It’s worth a thought or two and even some prayer.
James Anthony Froude. 1818-1894
an English historian, novelist, biographer,
Men are made by nature unequal. It is vain, therefore, to treat them as if they were equal.
Wednesday Dec 09, 2020
Wednesday Dec 09, 2020
webstix.com Tony Herman - the coolest cat on the net
We don’t know Jesus because he was a carpenter, we do not care what your profession is, you must know what your profession is! we know Jesus because of his profession. if a doctor turned off his pager we would think he was a fool & insensitive...lives are being lost! but when we fail to live our purpose we are letting lives slip away!
Simply put, our profession of faith makes faith our profession. Sure you work on cars, you are a computer geek or maybe you are an investor… whatever the case - that is your profession… but it is not your profession. Your profession is changing lives through the power of Christ. In your profession you have two professions… Your profession of faith means you now are that business man who serves God, and it is the spiritual profession of serving God as a business man. Confused yet… you shouldn’t be unless you try to dissect the word profession… it is all 3 and all 3 are one. It is who you are, what you do and why you do it.
Where is the rub? Well many times we compare our profession and our profession along with our profession with others. How do my professions stand up to others professions.
Here are a few thoughts of Edward William Bok and mine mixed together…
You must not compare yourself with others or measure your profession success by theirs. It makes no difference how other men succeed in their profession. Their success is theirs; not yours. It matters nothing to me that Edison can invent the electric light and I cant; that Kipling can write a ‘Recessional” and I cant; that you can pleas the law and I cant. You can do one thing; I try to do another. But success is for both of us just so far as we do well what we can do in our profession. Every man is himself, and it is in proportion as he gets out of himself the power there is within him that he succeeds-succeeds in doing the thing he is best fitted to do in all of his professions.
Edward William Bok in Batsell Baxter, Speaking For the Master, Baker, 1954,p.68
Why are we more impressed by a mans profession as in work, than his profession of faith and how it impacts others? Maybe we have lost sight of what our jobs are here on earth… what our true profession is.
While I wish I was paid $10 for every time I said the word profession in this podcast… don’t miss the point. As a follower of Christ… i.e. in your profession of faith - you now join the ranks of those called to the highest profession. Be you while being Jesus to those around you.
Tuesday Dec 08, 2020
Tuesday Dec 08, 2020
webstix.com Tony Herman - the coolest cat on the net
* (1) Police officer Thomas Wilson pleaded guilty to having 8,742
images of child pornography on his computer, but the judge
acknowledged that Wilson might have acquired them "somewhat
accidentally" (Brisbane, Australia; March). (2) Ernest Simmons
was convicted of attempted murder of two sheriff's deputies
despite his defense that he only "accidentally" shot at them (11
times, using two guns) (Orlando, January). (3) Accused purse-
snatcher Derrick Dale, 21, said that the purse fell on his foot and
(according to the arrest report) "the next thing he knew, [it] was in
his hands" (Destin, Fla., January). [Brisbane Times, 3-13-08]
[WFTV (Orlando), 1-31-08] [Northwest Florida Daily News, 1-18-
08]
Accountability
Love never means a lack of confrontation. It does not look away or wink at the sins of others. Love actually gets in peoples faces and tells them the truth in love. When my Dad caught me playing with matches in the basement… he didn’t just roll his eyes and close the basement door leaving me to my own demise. He ran down the stairs snatched the matches and spanked me on the spot… Why… because he was mad… of course, but the foundational why was because he loved me and our family. A good house fire has a way of ruining perfect week… especially if there are deaths involved.
How sincere, honest and brutally committed are you in the life of being a disciple… a true follower of Jesus?
Yes, we often hear excuses about the time it takes, the awkwardness, the men at the group are not my type of guys, we are busy, I do my own devotionals etc…
The truth is that accountability is in fact a major player in becoming more like Christ, dealing with our sin nature and growing in strong manly relationships.
John Wesley was so concerned with building a righteous fellowship that he devised a series of questions for his followers to ask each other every week. Some found this rigorous system of inquiry too demanding and left. Today, the very idea of such a procedure would horrify many churchgoers. Yet some wisely follow just such a practice. Chuck Swindoll for example, has seven questions that he and a group of fellow pastors challenge each other with periodically:
1. Have you been with a woman anywhere this past week that might be seen as compromising?
2. Have any of your financial dealings lacked integrity?
3. Have you exposed yourself to any sexually explicit material?
4. Have you spent adequate time in Bible study and prayer?
5. Have you given priority time to your family?
6. Have you fulfilled the mandates of your calling?
7. Have you just lied to me?
I might add a few of my own…
8. When was the last time you told your kids and spouse you loved them?
9. Do you tithe to your local church regularly (thats 10% of your income)?