The Big A&D

WWW.TheDavidAlliance.com

8-16-19 Friday

 

So I’ve had a few adulterous affairs on my wife… I am guilty. I am not kidding you I have… but should she divorce me? Should I divorce her? She doesn’t really know about them… what to do!

 

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If you have lusted you have had an affair….

 

If you are single it does not exclude you from today… let me explain.

 

I challenge kids in my talks on abstinence about SPERM.

How sex affects you s.p.e.r.m.

I use this example to prove a point… what if after this talk you see me outside making out with one of your teachers?

 

 

 

We are going off script today… 

 

First off, I counsel a lot of people… but I am not a certified counselor… these are strictly my opinions based on scripture. You do your own biblical research and prayer over it. 

 

Conversation in the gym yesterday with a young man married a few years… Wanted to know about Divorce after adultery.

 

 

Scripture gives I believe 3 reasons for divorce:

1. Matthew 19:9 if a spouse commits adultery.

 

 

2.  If a spouse leaves you due to your walk with Christ. 1 Cor. 7

 

 

3. Breaking the one union covenant between husband and wife. 

What I mean is when you get married you become one in God’s eyes. If you commit adultery you are breaking that one union commitment… if you beat your  spouse you again are breaking that one union covenent…

If your spouse completely pulls away from you physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually… almost as if they have divorced you, except they still live in the same house… again it is breaking that one union covenant 

 

But here is the rest of the story… 

 

Here are questions you have to ask:

Does the spouse have past issues that help cause the affair… Daddy issues, Rape or abuse in the past, rampant sexual history etc…

Will counseling help this?

Will you divorcing help your spouse?

 

Did you add fuel to the fire… ie. have you been an inattentive spouse.

Did you push them away etc…

 

Where you married as a virgin? If you had a spouse commit adultery and you yourself have had sex before marriage with others… realize you are just as guilty as they are. Did you ever ask them to forgive you for your past?

You reap what you sow… right? 

 

IF you are going to work through it are you willing to take the hard steps…

Get tested for STD’s, HIV and aids

Change your schedule, change your job, pony up money for counseling etc…

Will you give up drinking

Will you give up certain friends

Will you start taking your spiritual walk seriously with God

Will you get to church every Sunday

Will you get into an accountability group and be honest

Are you willing to deconstruct how this first started… it always starts in the mind… 

 

Do you realize that even if it was not your fault… most of the times about 90% of the time you still had a part in it somehow. You made it easier for them to do this.

 

 

None of these are excuses to why you had an affair… but it does mean you should seek out some long term professional counseling. 

 

I have a friend who has a spouse who has had quite a few affairs that we know about… probably a few we don’t know about. He has also been caught viewing pornography… But she chooses to stay with him. She chooses to try to make things work, much of it is a front, but God bless her for trying… I would have told her to bail because I do not believe God is the lord of her husbands heart, he is cold to the Holy Spirit and does not have a vibrant walk with Jesus- so there is not much hope… but she will do what she will do- and she has the right to.

 

I have another friend who’s wife had an affair. He and her worked through it. His mindset was… I have lusted over women, and God calls that adultery. My wife had an affair so I am not going to point fingers and blame her or hate her… I am simply going to use this as the ultimate example of how much I love her. I told her I love her so much I will not leave her nor forsake her no matter what she does. It was the ultimate show of love to his wife and they have an amazing marriage today. 

 

Look, I know there are a million examples and they all have their own little nuances, but if at all possible stop adultery before it happens, don’t get a divorce until you have tried everything- and I mean everything.

 

And finally realize that God hates divorce… but what that means is he hates what it does. He hates the walls it leaves up in peoples lives for future relationships, he hates how it affects children, he hates how it brings immense poverty to so many people. He hates how it affects a childs view of the father heart of God… 

If God hates something that much… I would do everything I could to not do it.