Do you understand the words coming out of my mouth?

 

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My favorite line in Rush Hour with Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker is When Chris Tucker’s character looks at Jackie Chan and says “Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth”?

 

Its a great question… why? Because communication is primarily the responsibility of the listener. 

 

Most of the times the persons communicating is doing the best they can to communicate… is it good? Maybe not, but it is the way they know best… is it healthy? Maybe not, but its the only way maybe that has been modeled to them. 

 

So rather waste time talking about communication lets take a minute to talk about listening.

 

point one: Where is the relationship at? 

Ever want to say something to someone but you fear their reaction?

Communication without a healthy relationship is like juggling grenades with the pins out… you just can’t take a chance letting go. 

 

If you want to work on listening, work first on your relationship with the person… and take a hard look at yourself in that relationship as well. 

 

Second: Enter their world.

What is it like to be them approaching you?

The little girl who climbs up on her Daddy’s lap and says Daddy you are handsome…. He is so charmed by his little girl. Then she says, and Im grettal… lets play.

 

What exactly do I mean? Validate their feelings as they communicate. I hate when parents are listening to their kids and say things like “its not the end of the world… you are missing the point- to them it feels like the end of the world.

Pretty soon they will no longer feel safe to talk to you.

 

Finally: Listening is learned.

When Coke a cola first introduced their product in China… they had massive world wide success- China was the next market to monopolize. they simply put the chines characters that sounded out the word Coke a cola on the bottles… but what it meant in Mandarin was “Bite the wax tadpole”. Massive failure.

So they went back to the Chinese experts and shoppers and asked questions and learned, they did tons of research to help communicate their product.

 

How much time do you spend researching the best way to listen to your spouse? Kids? Boss? Pastor? Parents?

 

The truth is, you learned from your parents… and the scary news is that your kids will learn from you.