A Good Fight

Garth Heckman

The David Alliance

TDAgiantSlayer@Gmail.com 

 

Ever get into a good fight. A good old fashion butt kicking, arse whooping fisticuffs. It isn’t necessarily an enemy just someone you are at odds with you both throw down. At the end of the fight even if you lost you can shake their hand and say well done my friend, I underestimated you. My last one was with my wife… just kidding, but thats where we are going today. 

I love watching the UFC, I truly appreciate it when two men start banging and they both stop once and awhile tap gloves as if to say… heck of a fight, nice kick, nice hit… it shows respect. Why in todays world do we as Christians shy away from a good fight? 

1 Tim. 6:12 Fight the good fight for the true faith. Hold tightly to the eternal life to which God has called you, which you have declared so well before many witnesses.

Fight in the Greek
1. to struggle
2. (literally) to compete for a prize
3. (figuratively) to contend with an adversary
4. (genitive case) to endeavor to accomplish something

Fight in the Greek
1. (properly) beautiful
2. (chiefly, figuratively) good
3. (literally) valuable
4. (morally) virtuous worthy
{for appearance or use, and thus distinguished from G18, which is properly intrinsic}

The one thing this verse reminds us of is we are in a fight, so if we choose not to fight, we choose to lose. Its not a choice as a follower of Christ. You love Jesus, you fight the fight of faith. 

We have confused peace with being a pacifist. It is true, Jesus is the prince of peace, but he is also King and as King he leads us into spiritual battle…and that spiritual battle is against other people. We can love them, but still fight them. 

1 Timothy says we are fighting for eternal life… I don’t believe that is our eternal life but rather the eternal life of those who do not know Christ. 

Having a "good fight" might seem like a contradiction, but it's a great way to think about how to handle conflict constructively. The goal isn't to win or dominate the other person, but rather to understand each other better and find a resolution that works for both of you.

Here's a breakdown of how to approach a conflict in a healthy and productive way:

Before the Fight

1. Pick the right time and place. Avoid bringing up a serious issue when one or both of you are tired, hungry, or stressed. Don't try to have a serious conversation in a public place or when you're in a hurry. Choose a private, quiet setting where you can talk without interruption.

2. State your intent. Start the conversation by explaining why you want to talk. This sets a collaborative tone. Try saying something like, "Hey, I've been feeling a little disconnected from you lately, and I'd like to talk about it. Is now a good time?"

During the Fight

1. Stay calm and focused. It's easy for emotions to take over, but try to keep your voice calm and your mind clear. Stick to the topic at hand. If the conversation starts to veer off into old arguments or other issues, gently guide it back. Avoid using aggressive or accusatory language, like "You always..." or "You never..."

2. Listen to understand, not just to respond. The most crucial part of a good fight is active listening. Put down your defenses and genuinely try to see the situation from the other person's perspective. Ask questions to clarify what they're saying and show that you're hearing them. You can use phrases like, "What I hear you saying is..." or "Can you tell me more about how that made you feel?"

3. Use "I" statements. Instead of pointing fingers, focus on your own feelings. For example, instead of saying, "You make me so angry when you leave your dirty dishes everywhere," try saying, "I feel frustrated when I see dirty dishes on the counter because it makes the kitchen feel messy." This shifts the focus from an accusation to an expression of your personal experience.

4. Take a break if needed. If the conversation gets too heated, it's perfectly okay to pause. Acknowledge the tension and suggest a break. Say something like, "I'm feeling really overwhelmed right now. Can we take a 15-minute break and come back to this?" This prevents things from escalating and gives both of you time to cool down.

After the Fight

1. Find common ground. Once you've both had a chance to speak and be heard, look for a solution together. This isn't about one person winning and the other losing. It's about finding a compromise that you can both agree on. It might be a small step, like agreeing to a trial run of a new behavior, or a bigger one, like seeking out couples counseling.

2. End with an apology and a hug. Even if you've done everything right, a fight can still be draining. A sincere apology for any hurt caused—even if it was unintentional—and a physical act of connection like a hug can help reconnect you and reinforce your bond.

3. Reflect and learn. After the conflict is over, take some time to think about what happened. What went well? What could you have done better? Learning from each fight will make the next one easier and more productive.

Think of a good fight as a team effort to solve a problem. It's an opportunity to strengthen your relationship, not weaken it.