36 years and for what?

 

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36 years of marriage…

 

The number one key in making marriage last is???

Communication

Handling differences

Balancing money

A great sex life

Understanding expectations

 

NO NO NO NO NO

 

I believe it is simply knowing this… 

Don’t give up, it will get better. 

Yes there are times I wanted to leave my wife, divorce my wife, yell at my wife… yes there are times I wondered what it would have been like if I had married that other girl… will it ever get better, will she ever love me, will she ever appreciate me… and we all go through things like this.

But in the end, if you choose to stick it out, it will always get better. There are highs and lows but if you are smart you play marriage like the real estate market - if you hang on to it long enough, it’s value becomes worth the wait.

 

last night we celebrated 36 years of marriage. Our first day of marriage (on our honeymoon) we had sex 5 times in 24 hours… that is roughly once every 4 hours and 45 minutes.

Now we have sex only twice a week, but now when we do have sex it’s 4 hours and 45 minutes after dinner. We gotta let our food digest or its just to uncomfortable… and well you know … were old. 

Whats the point… I thought our first year of marriage was the pinnacle - the peak of how great it could get. Sex every day, laughing, goofing off, traveling… For the first 15 years I looked back on those first few months and thought… it was good while it lasted…But it will never be that good again… or so I thought. 

But its not even close… it is so much better now! 

Last night as we were out to dinner, my wife looked at me and said “thank you for keeping the vows you made 36 years ago. You are a man of God and that is the only way this marriage has made it”. Now if she would have said that at our 1 year anniversary… ok, thanks, but not much of an intimate compliment, nor very meaningful. 

But after 36 years….

So we talked about the last 36 years. Conflict, fights, depression, anxiety, moves around the country, kids with issues, cancers, cancers, cancers, brain tumors, hurts and broken promises, failed businesses, bankruptcy and more… we agreed that at this point the best part of being together is simply being together. Knowing that no matter what comes our way, we will be together to face it. 

 

Whats the best part of marriage? Never giving up. Knowing your partner will never give up. Oh, they may in fact tell you to your face they hate you, they can’t stand you, they are so close to leaving (and you may have brought some of that on yourself) but… to look your spouse in the eye and say I will never quit on you. Come hell or high water… I am always here. If you cheat on me I will still be here for you. Now thats the foundation that is unbeatable. 

 

As we sat there eating, we talked about our boys, our grandkids and our family to come. We were encouraged that our boys can look at our marriage and know that we went through it all and still made it work because of Jesus. Neither of our boys will be able to say well she did this…. Yep, been there done that, and now work through it- it gets better.

 

I have a sneaky suspicion in another 36 years when we celebrate our 72 anniversary Kim will say something like “honey thanks for keeping your, what was that again, for saying you would uhm… something about love… any way thanks! And I will say “what?”.

But we will be together!